Salaams everyone!
In the past year I’ve seen two good friends get married in the Islamic faith. I can’t pretend to understand the strength and faith that I have seen from both of the girls that I know who decided to take their lives on this path. Before I knew many Muslims, I could not imagine how or why someone would choose to marry another person that they had never “been” with… much less kissed or even held hands. How do you know you’re compatible? How do you know you really loved the person? How misguided could I have been?! This is what western society has taught me. It has taught me not to recognize love and commitment for what it truly is. It has taught me to completely confuse sex with love. Physicality with emotional attachment. Compatibility with lust.
I saw my friend over the last few months planning her marriage to someone with whom she had known and been friends with for many years. She never once- to me- complained that she could not see him alone. She never expressed uncertainty about their future relationship. In short, she had faith that they would be happy. That he would be gentle and loving. She KNEW that things would be different and new but she had FAITH that Allah would match her with someone with whom she would spend the rest of her life. And the wedding- it was amazing! Not just because it was beautiful, not just because we were in a nice hotel surrounded by family and friends… even being broadcast to other countries for those who could not attend; but because of everyones joy and certainty that this was a match that was brought together by Allah and one that would be watched over by Him. insha ‘Allah I wish them all the best!
The other one… well… I don’t believe that it is meant to be. My friend believed that she loved a man who recently converted and they decided to be married. Her family did not know him- they live halfway around the world. Her friends barely knew him, but had doubts and questions. She did not listen to her friends… and we hoped that her family would say that they didn’t approve. But they didn’t. They feared that she would become pregnant while unwed… although she would never have gone against her faith in that way! So they consented. And yes, within the month after marriage she did become pregnant. And their marriage is already falling apart. He is not a good man… for many reasons. He does not provide for her. He bullies her. What exactly were his intentions? I don’t believe they were good, but only he and Allah knows that. What were hers? I believe they were good, but I also believe she was blinded by pressure and the want of stability to go against her better judgement. insha ’Allah it will work out for the best of the child.
What have I learned from these two women? That faith can guide you and faith can keep you pure, but Allah also expects you to help yourself and to have good judgement. Faith is beautiful, but it should not blind you either.
